“I AM the support” - tender words from an unpaid carer in Westminster
Celebrating Unpaid Carers’ Week with Patricia
Patricia has been her husband’s unpaid carer since 2006 and has lived in Westminster after marrying here 51 years ago. The couple, who celebrated their 51st wedding anniversary in April this year, live in Pimlico, where Patricia serves as a tenant representative for her block.
Now in his seventies, her husband has early-stage dementia, which primarily affects his short-term memory and concentration. Patricia takes care of his basic needs and is responsible for showering, dressing, preparing breakfast, issuing medication, making dinner, and getting ready for bed. Around their home, she handles housework and grocery shopping. They like to watch British comedies like Dad’s Army together.
Patricia plays puzzles and number painting games with him to keep his mind active. Away from home, she supports him by organising and attending GP and hospital appointments. She has colour-coded his medical files, organised by heart, kidney, and other conditions.
Patricia stays local in the area for errands and socialising. “Due to limited time away from my husband, it's difficult to socialise. I have an emergency button so I can get back in minutes.”
She is enthusiastic about living in Westminster. “The hospitals – St. Thomas’s and Guy’s are excellent”, and she can sometimes be found enjoying a rare moment of quiet time in a nearby Caffé Nero, “great for spotting celebrities”. A former civil servant, she attends board and carers meetings, and Carers’ Network events. “I love it at Westminster City Hall, oh I do. I sit on the panel three to four times a month.”
The couple met in London at an event, both children of British Army personnel. Patricia was brought to the capital from Cornwall, and her husband was Egyptian-born. Their fathers knew each other, and fate intervened with the rest; they were engaged for two years. “We were just both there, and… Well, there’s your lot!”
While Patricia enjoys time out with her various commitments in addition to her caring responsibilities, they have good neighbours. They meet for coffee in the area, have shared Christmas at their place, and her husband is sometimes taken out for coffee by the son of their neighbour, who teaches autistic people in a school.
They are self-sufficient at home, supported by an “excellent” medical care team at nearby facilities in the borough, who call her husband regularly as part of frequent monitoring.
Patricia said: “Being a carer is to be positive and have the patience of a saint, as well as a good sense of humour.”
Patricia discussed her decision to handle things independently. Acknowledging that the medical teams keep her husband well, she referred to their marriage. “I am [part of] the support.”
She emphasised that taking time out is key when caring for someone. “Rest. Stay in contact with close family members and close friends.” Patricia’s husband, despite recently asking her questions about where they live – as his memory begins to change – has said that unpaid carers are the lifeblood for “those of us who are still seeing, hearing, and feeling.”